Saving Hermione
by lily145
Summary: After the war a deeply emotionaly scared Hermione feels unworthy of friendship and love resulting in self harm and an eating disorder, can anyone save her?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Screaming. Deafening screaming all around me. Flashes of deadly green light hitting many of my friends as I tried desperately to aid Harry in his fight to defeat Voldmort. The horror of seeing Lucius Malfoy bear down upon me, his face contorted with rage and disgust, slowly changing into a cold sneer of triumph as he raised his wand to utter the two deadly words to end my life is etched into my brain, every time I give in and let sleep wash over me I relive the horror of the final battle…

I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable, I thought I would feel fear, but I didn't, I didn't feel anything. I was numb, it sickens me to admit it but I almost welcomed death. It would be such an easy way out of this horror. For those split seconds my Gryffindor courage left me and I was almost praying for this cowardly way out. I was ready to abandon Harry, end 'the golden trio' and put an end to my nightmare.

If Draco Malfoy had not killed his father a second before Lucius ended my 'unworthy mud blood' life I would have welcomed the end, and it is that knowledge that haunts me, the guilt that I WANTED to abandon my friends and loved ones because I am weak. The guilt eats away at me, like a disease, it never leaves me.

Why Draco murdered his father is a mystery to me, maybe he finally saw what a foul and truly evil monster the man was. Maybe he always knew but couldn't rebel against the dark side for fear of his life? But kill him and save me is exactly what Draco Malfoy did, but I find myself wishing he hadn't…

"HERMIONE JANE GRANGE WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER ME", my mothers voice jolts me out of my restless sleep and out of my nightmare.

"Sorry mother I didn't hear you?" I reply tiredly, blinking my eyes, trying to rid myself of the mental flashes that haunt my dreams.

"For the last time, your dinner is ready, although probably cold by now" came my mothers annoyed reply.

I strolled down the stairs and took my place at the dinner table. I wasn't hungry, I never am, guilt is all I seem to feed upon these days. I pick at some chicken, knowing full well that if I don't at least make the effort I will get yet another lecture from my mother.

As I eat I can sense my mother and father exchange worried glances over the table, and know what's coming next, it's the same every dinner time, my father will attempt a light hearted conversation…..

"All packed for school tomorrow love, it wouldn't do for the head girl to forget all her books now would it!"

I try to smile but I don't think it looks very convincing, I decide a nod will suffice.

"You must be looking forward to a uneventful year, know that lunatic 'Dark Lord' has been got rid of by Harry, I must admit it's a huge relief for us, isn't it Jane"

And, as usual, my dad says something insensitive and poorly thought out that causes me to completely shut down. How can he think that just because Harry, my amazing, strong, courageous Harry has defeated Voldmort that everything is all fine and dandy?!

I use this comment as an excuse to leave the table without saying a word to either of my parents, I know my mother will be giving Dad a death glare for his choice of subject but I don't care, I just need to get to my room, away from everyone.

As I step into my room I lean against my closed door and close my eyes. The guilt I always feel washing over me as my fathers words bring back all of the memories I try so hard to banish from my mind.

Why has Dumbledore made me head girl? Does he not know how unworthy I am? With this thought playing on my mind I walk slowly over to my dresser and pull out a razor blade. Sitting on my bed I drag the cool metal slowly over my lower arm, feeling the physical pain of cutting drown out the mental pain I always feel as my blood runs slowly down my arm, and for a moment I feel free from the nightmares, I do not have to think about facing my friends tomorrow and hope they don't see what coward I am, unworthy of their friendship.

As I drift into another restless sleep I find myself thinking of Draco and what he is doing at this moment in time?...

_A/N - please review and let me know what you think and if i should post the next chapter! thanks_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It's strange to think this is the last year at Hogwarts. The last time my mother and father will try and encourage me to eat a 'good breakfast to keep my strength up' and try and hide their ever increasing nervousness around me behind fake smiles. Actually come to think of it I don't think that did happen the previous years. I have never been as relieved and afraid about returning to school as I am today. Relief that I'll finally be away from my parents breathing down my neck but fear, fear that makes you feel sick at the thought of Harry and Ron finding out I'm not worthy to be called there friend. As long as i can keep up the pretence that I'm the same old Hermione as last year they won't abandon me, like I was willing to do to them…

As I struggle towards the Hogwarts express under the weight of my trunk a weight hits me and I'm bundled up into a tangle of arms that belong to Harry, Ron and Ginny,

"HERMIONEEEEEE"

This is it, my time to start my acting, I don't have to force a smile though as I am thrilled to see them, "Hey guys how was your summer?"

"Brilliant, we missed you though! Come on lets find a compartment quick and we can catch up", Harry replied.

The boys scooped up all the bags and made their way to a carriage, just as I was turning to follow them I noticed Ginny was looking at me very strangely, brows furrowed, but she quickly changed her expression when she realised I noticed and grinned, "I'm starving, come on Hermione before the boys eat all the food we bought for the journey before we've even left the station!"

"Pumpkin pastie Hermione?", Ron offered between mouthfuls of sweets and cakes that littered the empty seats in the carriage.

"No thank you Ron I had a huge breakfast" the lie came so easily it shocked me slightly; I'm getting good at this acting!

"Breakfast was agggges ago, at least have a chocolate frog, you need fattening up, I told you that muggle food was no good, your tiny!"

I glared at him, how could he make fun of my weight like that? I no we bicker and tease each other but to rub my nose in the fact that I'm fat by being so sarcastic is too far, I don't want my 'happy Hermione' face to break in front of them so I quickly make and excuse of heads duties and leave the compartment. Just as I storm out I walk straight into Draco, who seemed to look shocked at the site of me for a split seconded before hastily changing his expression,

"Granger, just the girl I was looking for" he winks at me, turns me towards the corridor and steers me down it by my shoulders.

"Malfoy what are you doing!"

"Well I don't really feel like doing all the heads duties on my own so I guessed you were with the other members of the 'golden trio' and the littlest Weasley and what do you no, I was right!."

Draco's POV

Sitting in the Heads compartment I drummed my fingers impatiently against the window. Where the hell is she? Oh god Draco get a grip she's probably having fun with Potter and the Weasley's. I have to Pull myself together or she might no that she's all I've thought about all summer, ever since the final battle when my father loomed over her and I saw that look on her face. That look scared me more than anything in the world has ever done. Her normally strong, confident and determined demeanour had been defeated and in its place was emptiness, and as she looked up at my father, it was as if she wanted him to finish it for her, end the misery that surrounded the war we had all been thrown into. And in that split second I new what side I had to fight for, the light side, the right side. And I made my choice because of her, she is the light side, good and pure. Anything that wants to destroy that is worth fighting.

I couldn't stand not seeing her for another moment so I strode purposefully out of my compartment in search of her, someone walked straight into me, my heart stopped, it was that same look, and I'm going to make it my mission to rid her of that expression and bring back the old Hermione, save her, and maybe even save myself in the process…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

To begin with I didn't eat because I wasn't hungry, after the battle food was the last thing on my mind. But that changed, soon the thought of food disgusted me, chewing and swallowing fat and calories to clog up my veins and make me fat, fatter than I was already.

And that's when I realised how weak spirited I really was, because even though the thought of packing my body with calories sickened me I craved it. I felt sick and light headed with want whenever I was offered food. But I have decided that this is one area of my life that I will not be pathetic and weak in, I will not give in. I can control this aspect of my life, and you know what, I'm good at it.

But I'm not sure how I'm going to get away with not touching the start of year feast. Dumbledore has just finished his welcome back speech and food has appeared on the table in front of me, every kind of food you can imagine.

"Cottage pie Hermione? I know it's your favourite" Ginny questions, and doesn't wait for a reply before piling a great heap of it on my plate.

Oh god I'm starting to panic, I can't eat that, I mean I physically don't think I could swallow it.

I gave her a weak smile and loaded my fork with the tiniest amount possible before slowly raising it to my mouth, letting it hover in mid air while I desperately tried to think of a way to not put it in my mouth, I looked around the table nervously, the boys where far to busy stuffing there faces to pay me any attention but Ginny was staring at me intently. So I ate it, chewing the mouthful slowly before forcing myself to swallow down the food that will contaminate me. After the first mouthful Ginny paid far less attention allowing me to play with my food but not eat any more of it. She keeps giving me sideways glances so I don't think I'm completely off the hook. I must remember to avoid 'eating' with Ginny from now on, how though; all students eat together in the great hall…

"Granger", Draco interrupts my thoughts, "We need to see Professor McGonagall to get the password for the Heads Dorms, come on"

Few, that got me out of any uncomfortable questions from Ginny, I followed Draco out the hall towards the Professors office admiring the way he strides with purpose and confidence, but no longer arrogance it seemed.

"Ah Mr Malfoy, Miss Granger congratulations on your newly appointed roles of head boy and head girl. With this job comes great responsibility, but also great privileges, one of those being your heads quarters." She smiled and beckoned us to follow her up various flights of stairs until we stopped outside a curious looking painting of a beautiful lady dressed in medieval style robes.

"The password is 'united we are whole', I will expect the prefects duties router on my desk by Wednesday, goodnight." The Professor gave a curt nod and walked away in the opposite direction.

I muttered the password and the portrait swung open with a smile, as I stepped into our quarters I let out a gasp, I have never seen a room more beautiful. The floor was covered in dark wood, with the wall colours a combination of both Griffendor and Slytherin colours, there was a roaring fire surrounded by comfortable looking chairs and a large squashy sofa. One wall of the room was dedicated to a huge bookcase filled with all the books I would need for this year. I ran my hand over a few of the beautiful old covers and breathed in the smell of the texts that had become so familiar from the hours I spent in the library and smiled, this is where I felt safe.

"Wow, I must say I'm impressed" Draco said.

I jumped, forgetting I wasn't alone and smiled at him "yes, it's amazing" I replied.

"There's a kitchen and bathroom too, shall I cook us something? I noticed you didn't get a chance to eat any dinner"

"No thanks I stuffed my face on the train before you found me" I lied easily." I think I'll have a long bath and go to bed." I forced my very best smile.

He stared at me for a moment with an unreadable expression, it made my pretence falter but I managed to save face. It was as though he was looking right through the lies and could see the real me. But his expression turned into a smile, he shrugged and walked towards what I presume is his bedroom.

As I lowered myself into the huge luxurious bath tub I couldn't help but wince as my cut wrists hit the bubble filled water. Studying them I noted with satisfaction that the most recent cuts were still open and sore, although not bleeding. Faint pink lines cris cross between my wrist and elbow. The sight of these sooth me. It's a punishment I inflicted on myself for being such a coward and unworthy friend.

I finish bathing and wrap myself in a fluffy white robe provided by the bathroom and make my way to my bedroom. It is the most perfect room I have ever been in, soft cream carpets, and walls. A magnificent 4 poster bed with cream and gold hangings and covers to match the curtains stands impressively in the middle.

I pad over to the bed and burry myself in the covers, I'm so tired and slightly dizzy that my eyes soon drop, and I soon leave the peaceful room and am plunged into yet another nightmare.

Draco's POV

I know she's lying to me but I don't know why, I decided not to confront her tonight

But I will defiantly be keeping a close eye on her; to make sure my suspicions are correct and decide what course of action to take. I wonder what she makes of the 'new' me. I have been such a basterd to her ever since we met, I hope she can forgive me, because I think I'm falling for her…

Chapter 4

Waking up to the sun filtering through the crack in the curtains I let out a sigh of relief, thank god it was the start of the weekend. This first week at school has been the hardest ever. I have so much home work! With heads duties and my increasing tiredness I haven't been keeping on top of it like I have in previous years. I really should get up and start it but I don't think I can muster the energy yet, ill just sleep for a little bit longer.

I wake with a start to the sound of load banging "Granger are you in there? Potter and his sidekick are looking for you." Draco shouts from the other side of the door. "Oh and I've made us both some lunch as you have obviously missed breakfast"

I groaned at this, I swear that boy is obsessed with cooking food and trying to make me eat it, I'm running out of excuses, and why does he care? Don't get me wrong, I like him caring, sometimes I think that maybe he likes me in the same way that I don't want to admit I like him, but obviously that's just my vivid imagination, no one would look twice at me, let alone Draco Malfoy. I've always had a bit of a crush on Malfoy I think, never really believed his act, even though I think he had convinced himself he wasn't acting.

I drag myself out of bed and look at the clock, its past one o'clock!

Walking to my wardrobe I study its contents. Weekdays are fine as the compulsory long sleeved shirts and robes cover my arms, but deciding what to wear today is tricky.

I decide on a baggy jumper and my new jeans. I'm pleased to see that even my newly bought jeans need to be held up with a belt.

As I trudge downstairs and into the heads common room my head spins and I feel dangerously dizzy. Taking a few deep breaths I steady myself against the wall and wait for the ever more familiar feeling to pass. Once I regained my composure I make my way to a chair nearest the fire and open my potions book to start the 3 foot essay about the correct brewing of truth potions, but I can't concentrate, the words all blur into each other and make no sense.

Draco sits next to me handing me a plate of chicken and salad and tucking into his own.

I pick at a piece of cucumber that has no dressing on it but I feel to dizzy to even pretend to eat it and push it to one side.

"Hermione why don't you eat" Dracos concerned voice pierced the silence.

"I do eat Draco, just not in front of you" I lie not even looking up from my parchment. I'm hoping I give the impression that such a statement is ludicrous and that he hasn't noticed my hands shaking slightly and my heart rate quickening. I tense up in fear of being found out, no one must know. They wouldn't understand that it's the only thing I'm in control of, that the constant hunger pains are comforting, that every kilo of weight I loose makes me that much nearer to disappearing.

"Hermione I'm not blind, or stupid" Draco says so quietly I'm not sure if I imagined it. I look up to see his eyes full of worry and concern, I'm trying to tell him that I'm fine and to stop worrying but my head feels lighter than ever and trying to form the words is becoming an impossible effort. I think Draco is talking again but I can't quite make out what he is saying, I try and blink away the disjointed sounds and visions but every time I re open my eyes everything gets more blurred, then, with a strange falling sensation and an overwhelming feeling of being out of control, I slip into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Draco's POV

Draco's POV

"I'm not blind or stupid Hermione" I quietly replied to her lie, "You have to eat something, your wasting away, and I will not let that happen" I say looking intently into her eyes. But her face has drained of what little colour it previously held and I can see she's having trouble focusing on what I'm saying, "Hermione, are you ok?!" she's started to sway dangerously and then she falls in a graceful arc towards the stone fireplace, using my seeker reflexes I jump towards her and manage to catch her with ease before she cracks her head on the unforgiving surface.

Scooping up her fragile body I run out of the heads dorms as quick as I can towards the hospital wing, praying to Merlin with every step that she will be ok, that I can save her for a second time..

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Hermione's POV

"…underweight…."

"..send her to St Mungos?"

"No, I'm sure its just exam stress…given her a strengthening potion…should be fine..."

I groggily open my eyes to see Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfery talking in low tones in the corner of the infirmary, how did I get hear? The last thing I remember is Draco talking to me and then…nothing.

"ah Miss Granger your awake, it would appear you fainted from exhaustion, luckily Mr Malfoy bought you up to the hospital wing." The nurse said, "You are eating properly aren't you Miss Granger, you are very underweight?"

"Yes Professor, just getting a little stressed from the heavy workload this year I think" I lie with a reassuring smile. They must not know.

"Very well, I shall give you a calming drought and an energy potion to help you keep on top of things but I suggest you eat more as well, any thinner and you will become seriously ill" the nurse stated " you may go".

I head towards the common room with a sigh of relief that was far too close for comfort. Pushing the portrait of the heads common room open I notice Draco pacing the room with worried energy, when he notices my entrance he stops and stares at me, "we need to talk" he announces in a serious tone which confirms what I'm terrified of, he knows.

"I know Hermione so don't lie to me any more, I just don't understand why?"

"Because I don't deserve to" I whisper to the ground

"what? Of coarse you do, everyone has to eat!" he exclaims

I turn to flee to my room and away from his knowing eyes but he grabs me by my wrist, preventing escape and pushing down on my cut wrist making me wince in pain.

His eyes find mine again and as much as I want to I can't look away, I see his worried and confused expression turn into one of sudden realisation and understanding as he lets go of my wrist and holds my hand, then carefully lifts up my sleeve to expose my marred skin. "Mione..why?" he questions, I can detect sorrow and pity in his voice that I defiantly don't deserve and that's what makes me snap.

"BECAUSE I AM A COWERED", the words tear through my throat before I sink to the ground and sob. I feel Draco crouch next to me and place a comforting arm around me, pulling me towards him, "You, Hermione Granger are not a coward, you are brave and loyal, never think that" he sternly whispers in my ear.

"Then why did I want him to kill me? I wanted to abandon my friends; they would never have abandoned me"

"Mione my disgrace of a father had put the cruciatus curse on you repeatedly; anyone would welcome death after that"

His words were said with such certainty that I almost believed him, clinging to him made me feel safe and like I belonged, "why did you save me?"….

Dracos POV

What she had said made my heart break, how could she think that of herself? I have to make her see what I see, I take a deep breath to collect my courage;

"Because you epitomise everything that is good, and my father wanted to destroy goodness, he wanted to destroy you. And I could never let that happen because you are the strongest, brightest, loyal, beautiful girl I have ever known," I lifted her chin so she could see the sincerity in my words before continuing, "seeing you like this is killing me Hermione, please let me help you"

She looked at me with wide searching eyes, then slowly nodded her head leaning towards me, I slowly closed the small gap between us and placed a soft kiss on her silky lips

A load cough woke Hermione and Draco from there peaceful slumber, Hermione's head resting on Dracos chest, Dracos arm had found its way loosely round Hermione's tiny waist while the two slept on the sofa nearest the fire where the pair had fallen asleep after talking long into the night. Draco had listened intently to Hermione as she finally admitted to him and herself her guilt over the final battle and her fears of failing to reach the high expectations everyone seemed to bestow upon her.

Another cough drew Hermione's attention towards the source of the noise, meeting the eyes of a very surprised looking Ginny.

"Well this looks cosy, Hermione may I see you in your room when you ready please," Ginny ordered before turning and making her way up the staircase towards Hermione's bedroom.

Getting up with a groan Hermione gave a shy smile and small shrug to an amused looking Draco before following Ginny. She had barely entered her bedroom before Ginny quickly shut the door and rounded on her;

"DRACO MALFOY, YOU AND MALFOY?! HERMIONE HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!"

Shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath to ward off the dizzy feeling that had started to close in around her due to the fact she had yet to eat a meal, Hermione calmly made her way to her bed, sitting on it before replying "Yes I have lost my mind, but I think Draco may have started to help me to find it."

This statement was met by a confused look from the redhead.

"I have been having a hard time coming to terms with the final battle, it..it effected me far worse than I have ever showed, but Draco seems to understand, I think he can help me Ginny, I trust him."

Ginny's eyes softened as she sat on the bed and hugged her friend, "is this why you haven't been eating Hermione? I'm not as stupid as Ron or Harry! I've been so worried about you, the reason I came up hear was to talk to you about it, shall we carry this discussion on over breakfast?"

Hermione's insides clenched with fear at the thought of eating but she slowly nodded her head.

"How about I make us something from your kitchen then we can talk without having to worry about gossips like Pavarati and Lavender overhearing?" Ginny questioned and got another slow nod from Hermione in reply. Both girls made there way down to the kitchen only to find an elaborate breakfast of toast, cereal, fruit and yogurt, along with various cooked foods arranged on the table,

"Thought you ladies would like a 'girly catch-up' so I saved you some of my breakfast, I made too much you see…" Draco winked, "anyway I must meet Blaise, see you later" and with a last lingering look at Hermione he walked out the portrait hole.

"Well, his well trained" Ginny grinned loading a plate up with everything on the table. Hermione slowly added a few pieces of fruit salad to her own and began cutting them in tiny pieces.

Ginny didn't push her to eat more than a few mouthfuls as she knew Hermione would only resist and push further away.

" Well Mione, if you trust him then I suppose I do to, it seems like his changed" Ginny frowned slightly before continuing, "But I don't think Harry and Ron will be as understanding somehow" she gave a small grimace before adding as an afterthought "if he hurts you I swear ill hex his ass so bad he won't know what hit him".


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Hermione slowly started to weave her life back together over the next few weeks, threads of confidence that Draco and Ginny helped her to discover making her feel less lost. Harry it seemed was not as unobservant as both girls first thought and also helped Hermione in subtle ways. Ron had started dating Lavender Brown again and so was even more unperceptive and tactless than usual.

Hermione and Draco decided to keep there relationship secret for now as they new what an uproar it would cause. They would spend there evenings in the heads quarters, finishing their homework and arranging prefect meetings, and when that was finished they would snuggle on the sofa, talking about anything and everything. Hermione learnt that Dracos childhood was a lonely one, the Malfoy home was not a place of warmth and love. This was the reason he put on his 'Malfoy mask' at school all these years. And the fact that his father would beat him if he ever found him talking civilly to a 'mudblood' didn't help his and Hermione's past animosity.

At breakfast Hermione was surprised to see a tawny owl sweep low over Harry's head and land next to her plate of toast that Ginny was making sure she ate. Hermione unattached the letter from the little owls leg and gave it some toast before running her eyes over the parchment it had just delivered:

_Hermione,_

_I hope this letter finds you well sweetheart and that you are enjoying school. Your father and I have decided to go on a cruise with Pam and John from next door, I'm so excited! Unfortunately this means you will have to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas but I'm sure you will have a fabulous time with your friends, _

_Lots of love_

_Mum _

She stared at the letter; although she was sure Christmas at Hogwarts would be fun she couldn't help but feel unwanted. _It's because you're not good enough, there ashamed to have you as a daughter, they can't even stand to be with you at Christmas!_ And in that moment she felt the thin threads of self confidence unravel. Standing up abruptly she made her way out of the great hall, her feet taking her automatically to her sanctuary, the library. Breathing in the familiar musty smell of aging books, she walked to the very back, picked up a random book and immersed herself in the pages. This is where she could better herself, soak up knowledge, _and no food is allowed in the library._

That evening she told Draco she would be staying at Hogwarts for the Christmas holidays and felt a little happier when a huge grin spread over his face at the thought of spending Christmas with her, he refused to spend any time at Malfoy manner, being at Hogwarts by himself would be better than that, but now Hermione was staying too he was sure it would be his best Christmas ever.

The last week of school passed quickly and as the majority of students boarded the carriages that would take them home Hermione was woken by a very excitable Ginny "Mione wake up, it's the fist day of the holidays and you were supposed to meet me ten minutes ago!" she announced whilst jumping on the end of Hermione's bed.

"What? How did you get in here?" Hermione groggily replied.

Rolling her eyes Ginny replied "Don't tell me you forgot we planned to go to Hogsmade today to buy Christmas presents?!" She got off the bed and made her way towards Hermione's wardrobe, picking out clothes for her to wear in the hope that they would get to Hogsmade quicker, "oh and Draco let me in" she answered Hermione's question as an afterthought. "Now get up! I'll give you five minutes to get ready!" She said, throwing the clothes she picked out at Hermione and strolling out the room. Hermione groaned, she had been forgetting a lot recently, and had overslept again! Dragging herself out of bed she began to get ready as fast as her weak body would allow, making her way down the spiral staircase into the common room she found an agitated Ginny and an amused looking Draco sitting by the fire.

"About bloody time" Ginny said, jumping up and thrusting a banana at Hermione, "You can eat this on the way, ok?" Seeing no way out of this Hermione gave a weak smile and took the banana from Ginny. She barely had time to say good morning to Draco before she was being dragged out the portrait hole.

The girls spent the morning browsing the shops in pursuit of the perfect Christmas gifts. Hermione bought Ron a gift hamper containing all of Honeyducks best products and a Chudley cannons scarf, Harry a selection box of chocolate mice and a beautiful photo album that she intended to fill with pictures of the trio and their friends. But the present she liked the most was Draco's, in a small curiosity shop that she had never noticed before Hermione spotted it, a handsome silver ring, onto which was engraved a beautiful dragon. This ring was unlike any Hermione had ever seen before and she stood watching the dragon fly around the metal ring it was engraved on transfixed, much like the very fist time she saw a wizard photograph.

The two girls decided to go for a well deserved drink after their Christmas shopping had been done and so headed towards The Three Broomsticks, struggling under the weight of many shopping bags. They were soon laughing and joking in the warmth of the friendly pub when Harry, Ron and Lavender walked in. Harry, Hermione noticed, looked rather annoyed and when he spotted her and Ginny relief washed across the raven haired boys face as he made his way towards them "Hey girls, looks like you've been busy" he commented, gesturing towards the vast pile of bags at Ginny's feet,

"Yep, we got most of our shopping done" Ginny replied, then added "what's wrong Harry?" apparently Hermione was not the only one to notice his previous expression of annoyance.

"Lavender is doing my head in" he replied out the corner of his mouth, "oh god, here they come now" he groaned and slumped into a seat next to Ginny.

Ron walked over, hands full of a butterbeer and a vivid pink drink that Hermione guessed was for Lavender. After pulling up two chairs, Ron picked up a menu "I'm starving, lets get something to eat"

"Good idea, Ron why don't you and Lavender order for us" Ginny announced with the unmistakable intention of getting rid of Ron and Lavender long enough for Harry to elaborate on what her brothers idiot girlfriend had done to annoy him.

"Ok, what do you want?"

"Surprise us why don't you", Ginny replied in an attempt to be rid of them faster.

As Ron and Lavender went to the bar to order she turned eagerly to Harry; "What's she done this time?"

Harry took a long gulp of butterbeer, "well me and Ron were supposed to do a bit of Christmas shopping, get you girls presents, but Lavender went mad at not being 'invited' and wouldn't stop moaning about how she can't not see her boyfriend on a Hogsmade trip", Harry rolled his eyes before continuing, "so Ron asked if she wanted to come with us. Whenever we started looking for a present for you or Mione she went mad!"

Ginny let out a growl of annoyance but could say no more on the matter as Ron and Lavender had just returned to the table.

"Barman says it will be five minutes" Ron informed as he sat down. Lavender ignored the chair next to Ron and instead sat on Ron's lap, earning a glare from Ginny. Hermione found the whole situation quite funny and was having a hard time keeping a straight face, she was determinedly not looking at Harry as she new he found the situation amusing to.

Thankfully the food soon turned up and the teenagers tucked in to their food while laughing and joking. Hermione was having such a good time she hadn't even realised she had eaten half a burger and nearly all her chips, something she would never have allowed herself to eat normally, until Lavender, who had been silent and moody turned to her and sneered, "I don't know how you could eat that, all the fat and calories" before going back to her salad.

Hermione lowered her fork in horror, had she really scoffed all that food? All those calories without realising it. Even as these thoughts were running through her head she could swear she could feel the fat seeping into her body, making her larger.

"Hermione are you feeling alright, you look a little ill" Harry's concerned voice penetrated her panic.

"umm..no not really, feel a bit under the weather, think I may go back to the castle and lie down" she franticly gathered up her shopping and headed out of the bar without looking back. Sitting in the carriage on the way back to the castle she dwelled on what Lavender had said, the way she looked at her when she was eating that food, with contempt and disgust.

Hermiones pov –

Before the carriage had fully stopped outside the school entrance I jumped out and began to run towards the heads dormitories, the longer I left it the more fat would be absorbed, making me fatter and fatter. I run back to my dormitory, my vision blurred from the tears streaming down my face. Lavender knows. Knows I'm not worthy to be here, that I'm not really the smart brave witch everyone portrays me as but stupid and weak. I bet they all know really, laugh at me behind my back.

I scramble through the portrait hole, head straight for the bathroom and lock myself in, safe from everyone but not safe from myself.

I slowly walk towards the toilet bend over it and stick my fingers down my throat, gagging followed by my lunch, purging all the food I had just consumed. Self loathing courses through my veins as I walk across the room and pick up a razor blade, rolling up my sleeve I run it over my wrist and watch the blood ooze out of the thin line I created. But I don't get the feeling of relief that usually follows, so I apply more pressure on the next and cut deeper into my flesh. I feel giddy and light headed, my knees buckle and I collapse. Darkness creeps upon me as flashes of my nightmares fill my mind, blocking out the bathroom, The last thing I hear is load banging, which I though where caused by the deatheaters from the final battle that I find myself relieving, when the war against myself began, then nothing.

Dracos P.O.V –

Hearing the portrait swing open I lift my head from studying and see Hermione stumble through, tears running down her pretty face and a dull defeated look in her eyes. She doesn't notice me but makes a b – line for the bathroom and locks herself in.

I have never been good at comforting people, mainly because I haven't had much practice, 'Malfoy's do not show emotion, Malfoy's don't care,' is what was drummed into me for as long as I can remember.

So I hesitate before slowly making my way over to the bathroom door and knocking lightly, "Hermione are you ok?"

No answer, I press my ear to the door, after a few seconds I hear a small thump and then nothing, silence.

Something's very wrong, a feeling of dread engulfs me as a bang on the door as loudly as I can, "HERMIONE OPEN UP, HERMIONE?!"

I put my shoulder to the door and ram it, cursing the solid wood in my panic to reach Hermione, then I remember I am a wizard, with a quick flick of my wand the door unlocks and I burst inside, and stop dead.

She is crumpled on the white marble floor like a broken doll, blood pooling around her in grotesque contrast to the beautiful white floor, and beautiful deathly pale Hermione.

"Shit Hermione what have you done", I whisper coming to my scenes and rushing to her side, then I become more frantic, "FUCK HERMIONE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, WAKE UP" I shake her tiny frame.

I need to save her, I saved her from my father, now I need to save her from herself. Grabbing a towel I look for the source of the blood, her blood. Her left wrist is bleeding profusely making me feel sick. I realise a towel isn't going to stem the bleeding so quickly rip up my shirt tying it tightly round her slender wrists and gently pick her up, and hurry out of the bathroom, hardly hindered by her weight as she is so light.

I stop in the middle of the common room, taking her to the hospital wing will waste valuable time, I place her carefully onto a sofa and concentrate hard on the blood. I have never been good at healing spells, never thought I would need to use them, until the final battle I was following a regime that caused pain, not cure it. I regret my past alliances every day but never as much as this moment, if I was in the order from the start I would have received basic healer training and would know what to do. Realising I'm wasting even more time I grab my wand and send an emergency patronus to Madam Pomfrey and Ginny, praying they come quickly as I keep up my futile attempts to stop the flow of her ruby red blood.


End file.
